I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Never joke about your clitoris.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
