His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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