Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
