Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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