WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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