My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
