I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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