How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
