I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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