the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
