I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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