we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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