I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
