so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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