Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
