He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
