Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Fuck appropriateness.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
