so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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