a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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