Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
