Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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