I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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