He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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