two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
