Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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