just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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