the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
