He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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