He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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