Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
