By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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