Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
