Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
