He asked me if I "almost moaned"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
