I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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