PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
