She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
