with your own penis?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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