So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
