U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
