i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
