I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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