Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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