I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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