Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
