I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
