this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
