I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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