Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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