apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
