she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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