first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
