He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
