Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
