fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
