you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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