He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
