Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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