he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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