why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
