I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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