Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I still have a little drunk in my system
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
