maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
