god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
