Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize