Umm I'm too high to move.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
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i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
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I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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