I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
