we're blogging at a bar
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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