He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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