She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
