That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.