I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger