i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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